Her Green Figs

The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell.

22 February 2006

Every Breath You Take

Am (sadly) home too early from the HeartThrob show at the favorite bar. I didn't quite feel up to waving 'bye to my escorts and holding onto the 4-top table alone in so crowded a place. The band was great. However, though I enjoyed them tremendously, I would really have only stayed there alone in hopes that my HeartThrob would come sit and talk with me at the end of the second set. Unlikely, so it's okay that I left. Really. really. rrr.

So now I have FORMALLY met my HeartThrob, and have finally made use of the friendship I've nurtured since last June towards this end. I need to qualify that. I STARTED that friendship in order to finagle an introduction to my HeartThrob, but I've sustained that friendship for its own merits. ANYWAY, HeartThrob is less spectacularly gorgeous than I first thought, which is not to say that I now find him unattractive. Oh no, now I consider him more attainable, and that makes him even more attractive. He has an abnormally big mouth and very active lips. They were a little distracting and almost seemed disconnected from his teeth or something. Distracting and abnormal it may be, but it bodes very well for making out in a porch swing or other mouth-related activities... SO, he's friendly and funny and was really appreciative that we had come out to see them.

Perhaps more importantly, I met HeartThrob's girlfriend, and SHE'S LESS ATTRACTIVE THAN ME!!!!!!!!!!! Her hair is mousy blonde and frizzy, her face is blank and moony, her eyes are small and squinty, and she's a bad dresser. She's not as lumpy and bloated as I am, but she's no skinny, or even curvy, little girl. As much as I hate and despise my ugly, awful, fat, horrible self, even *I* would pick me over her. I may be a little bigger, but my hair is gorgeous, my eyes and mouth are lovely, and I have good style. Plus, I'm smart and interesting and well-read and clever. FrizBlob is... well, I only talked to her for 10 minutes or so, so she might be those things, but for the purposes of my fantasy life, let's just say that she's dumb and boring and pedantic and dull. The really important part of this is that she's fat, and I'm fat, and HeartThrob likes her well-enough, even fat, so POTENTIALLY he could like me without me having to starve myself into that size 8--he could like me if I was a 16! This alters my view of the universe. Perhaps I should craft a plan to overthrow FrizBlob and take HeartThrob for myself. Good idea? Suggestions? Support?

My friend (from the second paragraph) is friends with HeartThrob, but she's trying to discouraging my interest in him. She has done this by 1) pointing out his girlfriend then introducing her to me, 2) talking about how much both HeartThrob and FrizBlob stink, 3) insisting that HeartThrob is a cokehead. She has been so far unsuccessful in her discouragement. Instead, I'm increasingly convinced of the appropriateness of the match. She's proven that I'm better than his current girlfriend and that being with him could also solve my wish for a new local dealer too. Perfect!